It has been about three months of my first semester in Grad School. A lot has happened, changed, and remained the same. Looking back at things I have noticed that many of my previous assumptions and fears I had about Grad School did not even exists. When I came in I had this idea that I had to know everything and that if I did not that I would be deemed stupid or something. There were a bunch of things running through my brain when I came in and it made me feel very intimidated. It was not until I actually sat in my first class that I was like "oh okay I can do this." Yes things were a little difficult but a lot of the material I knew. There were some words, theories, and books I did not know but many of the things were really just building on things I already knew or things that were just common sense. I am glad that I am learning new theories and ideas to work with children and new ways to look at reading and writing itself. In the short few months of being here I have also learned a lot about myself. I came in with a lot of ideas and my own teaching philosophy. Although many of my ideas have not changed and neither has my philosophy of teaching, I got to read more things that made me look at my ideas a little differently. I got to see things from a different lens and see how other people's ideas, theories, and practices fit into and help to develop my own views. While I am not saying all my ideas are 100% correct, I do not think anyone's ideas are, the things I have learned so far have helped to really solidify why I want to work with children and why I do what I do. I have also learned that there are a lot of people willing to help. In my program all the classes try to provide a safe space for people to freely speak their minds without feeling bad about it or being judged. I think this is a great idea because it opens up the class to discussions that would not otherwise be had. I get to learn and observe people and how they think and why they think the way they do and there is ALWAYS a debriefing after it. This helps everyone to express their opinions and sometimes gain empathy. I did this a lot in my undergraduate classes but not to the magnitude of how it is done at Penn. I thought that my ideas and mindset would be seen as childish and was intimidates to speak up but the conversations flow from what is seen in the media, politics, religion, gender, sexuality, movies, and books that most people are reading today. I have learned to appreciate everyones opinion and not get too upset when they say something that baffles me lol. I have also learned how to work in groups in a graduate school setting. For me it has been very different and challenging more so than being in undergrad. Here many people are full time teacher or are commuting from different states. It is a little more difficult to just meet up in the library during lunch to do a group assignment. Now a lot of things are done using google doc, skype and email. I had to let go of all the bad assumptions and be confident that I am smart and what I have to say. Reflecting back on how I first came into grad school until now I have grown a lot, gotten use to the cold weather lol, realized street meat is AMAZING, and met some great new people that I can see myself being friends with for a long time. I am hoping that I can learn something new and face new challenges every week from now on.
